My 33rd Birthday!

This past Saturday, I celebrated my 33rd birthday! It was a nice laid back weekend and it was exactly how I wanted it. On Friday, Dave and I went out to dinner at a restaurant called 13 Gypsies and it was tapas style food. It was phenomenal. I think we honestly tried about 10 things and all of them were delicious! I will definitely be adding this to our date night choices and I have no idea why we waited this long to try it out. After dinner we went to Emily & Will's house to pick up the girls and roast marshmallows by the bonfire. We have finally this past week started getting cool weather and I love it! I have been sporting every sweater and boot I have! :) Saturday we had a vball game, then went to lunch at Palm Valley Outdoors and then went to Jessica & Gregg's to watch the FL vs. GA game. Sunday we had a huge family feast at Marcia's and my parents joined in. It was an insane amount of crab legs we ate!:) I was spoiled rotten and got a new apple watch, new set of pots and pans, and a new blender. All of which I was so excited about. I am clearly in my 30s when asking for new pots and pans for my birthday present LOL! So moral of the story it was a great weekend spent with family and friends.

In addition to my celebrating, I went back to read my blog post on my 32nd birthday. I had just had my first miscarriage 1 month earlier and I was at a low point. I vowed to be a better friend, reach out to others going through similar situations, and live out God's purpose for my life not my own. You can view the post here. I can confidently say that I did a pretty good job of living out those goals. Those goals are lifelong goals that will always need to be worked on but the growth in this past year has been insane.

And by growth, I mean my own spiritual growth. By starting BSF, it forced me to read the Bible. In the past, I thought hearing the messages at church and doing devotions was teaching me plenty so I wasn't missing anything by not actually reading chapters of the bible everyday. Boy was I wrong! 1. It is a fascinating book. More times than not I will read a chapter and then go well what happened after that or before and I end up reading for 30 minutes because they are great stories. 2. It literally is how God speaks to me. I will be having a rough day and on numerous occasions, I open the next chapter I needed to read and several verses addressed what I was struggling with. I have not heard God audibly but it is definitely one of those "Thanks God, or Ouch God" moments.

I have a LONG way to go till I could retell stories of the Bible or recite verses. But I do know that no matter what situation I am going through there is a story of someone who faced the same thing and some advice on how to handle that situation. It provides such hope and reminds you that you can trust in God for everything.  Just like all these women who were blessed with a child after being barren! :)

Did I think when writing my 32nd birthday post, I would include to my story a 2nd miscarriage and a failed frozen transfer attempt, no sure didn't. But I also didn't realize the growth and trust I would gain from God through those struggles. So for my 33rd year I want my spiritual growth to continue, my quiet time with God to become a bigger priority, and my prayer life to grow. I really feel like 33 is going to be all about being a better prayer and who knows maybe God will answer our prayers and grant us with a miracle baby. In the meantime I am waiting for God to tell me where to go next. So basically I am in the waiting. And thats ok because that is where the most growth occurs. Our church message this weekend was all about while in the waiting, Be patient and keep praying! So that is what I am going to do in my 33rd year of life. Can't wait to look back at this post 1 year from now and see how God is moving in my life! :) If you haven't heard the song "Take courage" by Kristine Demarco it is amazing!!! Totally my life song right now!

 I hope you guys are all doing well and I miss posting blogs so I am going to start coming back more often! Talk to you all soon! XOXO

Life Lately through the camera roll

Hey guys I can't believe it has been over a month since I have done a blog post! I am so sorry! Life got very busy over the past few weeks. Delainey started girl scouts every other week and volleyball at the YMCA twice a week which I am the coach of; BSF started up and Blakely gave up her nap so I now have zero time to do my BSF questions except for at night, I am playing volleyball one day a week and the weekends have just been crazy with traveling and sports and fun fall stuff! So here is a photo dump of all we have been doing over the past month. I am hoping I will be better about posting more frequently! Hope you all are doing well!

Haircuts, gymnastics, volleyball, beach days, Sunday naps, weekend to Orlando for Islands of Adventure and Needtobreathe concert, field trips, boat days, school, bobbing for apples, Bartram Trail half time dance, and Infertility Awarness Hope Walk.

Girls Fall Disney Trip

***So apparently I never hit submit on this post so I apologize for that.

2 weeks ago the girls and I had a weekend in Disney while Dave was out of town for work. We stayed at the Swan and loved the location if you are going to be going to Epcot or Hollywood Studios. They have a lake where you can take a boat to the back of each park where there is no lines no waiting at all to get in. It was lovely!

Friday we went to Epcot and did the Food & Wine Festival and then Saturday we went to Magic Kingdom. This trips main agenda was to get as many autographs as possible. Delainey finally was interested in getting a book so we met as many characters and princesses as possible. We ended up with 14 signatures and never waited more than 10 minutes for an autograph! Mission Success! Here is a million pictures from our trip.

(IN)FERTILITY FRIDAY - Last one for who knows how long

Sorry I didn't write a post yesterday, after doing my blood test. I didn't need the doctor to confirm that I wasn't pregnant. The 5 pregnancy tests over the past 5 days did that for me. And to be honest by yesterday, I was so already past waiting for the official test that I forgot to do a blog update! So sadly no I am not pregnant. The embryos did not take to my uterus or died off or who knows what. Statistically speaking it should have worked. I have done 3 transfers and all 3 transfers had worked up until now. But clearly God is not in the business of statistics and likes to defy them at any chance he can get. So here is how my week went down.

I laid around for the 2 days after my transfer like always and then got back to life as usual. Didn't really think about it too much until I started packing for my trip to Atlanta for the FSU game. Would I be drinking or not?!? So by Thursday morning I just had to take a test to see. It said no. I didn't lose too much hope because it was still one day earlier than I have tested in the past and every time by day 8 it said positive and it was only day 7. So the next morning I took another and let me just add my anxiety was through the roof waiting those 3 minutes. This one was the one that counts. If it's a not pregnant than it didn't work. Sure enough I walk in there to read it and damn it didn't work. :( It was a very mixed emotions moment. I was of course very upset that I wasn't going to be having another baby for God only knows how long now, but I also was a little appreciative that my negative result was sooner than later. My prayer was of course for a child, but if God wasn't going to bless us with a baby in the end, let it be right away a no instead of going through another 10-12 weeks of carrying a baby before taking it away. And thats what he did. He let me know ASAP so I could move on with life. So off we flew to Atlanta that afternoon. We hung out with my old college roommate and friends, went to dinner, and had a few drinks. The next morning I took one more pregnancy test just hoping maybe it was wrong before I drank more for the FSU game and once again it said not pregnant so I knew that was  the final answer. We had a great day tailgating and going to our horrible game we lost LOL and then flew out of Atlanta for home on Sunday morning. It was a nice getaway to take my mind off of everything. I knew I still had to do the blood test, which to be honest I was dreading because I didn't want to small talk or hear maybe the test is wrong when I knew it wasn't. But I brought Blakely with me and she distracted me enough to get in and out. Of course she called later and said it was negative and I said I know and who knows where I will go from here, I'll call Dr. Brown when I am ready again.

So that is where we stand. Out of eggs and with no plan. And I am ok with that for now. I of course am such a planner/control freak that I'm sure I will want something down on a calendar to look forward to, but for now I am going to try to do nothing and see what God wants me to do. I would really appreciate it if he audibly told me to give up, keep trying, adopt a kid... something. I know in 10 years I will look back and the way this all unfolds is going to be amazing, but it is hard in the midst when I am not sure what to do. So for now I will just pray. I start BSF again next week and that always helps me stay in the Bible so hopefully being more in touch with God I will have some answers soon. I am thinking I'll take a year off (secretly pray for a miracle baby) and then go from there if nothing happens. Thanks for all the prayers, kind words, and support. But for now (IN)FERTILITY FRIDAY is put on hold! XOXO

I will still blog about fun trips and family stuff though if you want to keep following!

(IN)FERTILITY FRIDAY - TRANSFER #3

Yesterday I had my 3rd and final frozen transfer. We officially are out of eggs. Dr. Brown put in my last 2 eggs yesterday and said "Here's your twin boys." I said at this point Dr. I'll take anything....boy, girl, 1, 2...I am good with any of it! So I laid there as long as they would let me, walked to my car at a snails pace doing kegels the whole way and laid in the back of the truck the entire way home. I didn't even go pee till I got home which was quite painful but not taking any chances this time. He gave me my embryo report card and both eggs they put in were 4Bs. 5A is the absolute best. I was thinking these would be like 3Cs since they were the last ones, but I guess all my eggs were about the same as far as grading goes. So that is hopeful because 4B is good. So now the 2 week wait (2WW) begins!

I have been laying in bed for the past day and half and have gotten lots accomplished. I made Delainey's 5 year old shutterfly photo book, paid bills online, set up someone to come give me a quote for built in bookcases for the office, and watched all my DVR Real housewives shows. I only got out of bed twice yesterday to pee and take my meds/shots. God bless Daves parents who have had the girls since yesterday morning. They have picked them up and taken them to school, fed them, did a sleep over and even managed to cook me dinner last night. Dave picked it up and served me dinner in bed. So lucky to have such awesome family to help!

Today I moved to the couch, drank some decaf coffee and did a little bible study. I decided to watch the movie The Shack today and it was amazing! I of course cried multiple times throughout it, but the way it personified God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit was spot on and it really changed your perspective on God. (I thought it would not do justice at all) Not to ruin it but they told the main character to choose which of his 2 children he would send to hell and which one to heaven. Of course he couldn't choose and said take me. And they said well how do you think God feels having to choose which of his children to send. So true even if they are a horrible person who deserves it. They are still God's child. Mind blown that even the worst humans deserve to be redeemed and not judged. Thats just a tiny example of some of the stuff they said. I literally caught myself saying over and over "yes, exactly!" I highly recommend it for everyone. I'm gonna make Dave watch it tonight and I'll watch it again.

Anyway back to infertility stuff. I continue over the next week and half to take my crinone estrogen and heparin. The shots are killing me in the stomach. It is like I have tons of scar tissue built up in my stomach so it is hard to find somewhere to inject easily. I emailed my nurse today to see if I can change location for my shots so we will see what she says. Please keep the prayers coming for a baby to implant and grow into a healthy child over the next 9 months. And I will be back with some news the Tuesday after Labor Day. I'll leave you with a quote from the movie I liked. "When I live in you, then together we can live through everything that happens to you." So glad God is with me every step of my life! It's a lot easier to have true joy and peace! XOXO

Kelli's Surprise 30th Birthday Party

Saturday night I surprised Kelli with a dinner for her and 9 of her closest friends. We had 2 chefs come to the house who cooked and served a 4 course meal with a wine paired with each course. It was lovely! Too bad I couldn't have a chef cook for me weekly :) We were able to pull of the surprise which took some scheming and last minute prep but all went well. Happy 30th birthday to my sis a week and a half early! We love you!