Wednesday, March 16, 2016

From Trials to Triumph

Guys forgive me for this preachy post, but honestly its my blog and this is what's on my heart so I am going to write what I want. :)

Over the past 3 years I feel like I have been doing some serious growing up. Silly you think, I probably would have thought so too if you told me 3 years ago I would be much more mature and have a better outlook on life. I thought I had it all together a wonderful husband, beautiful baby girl, great family, nice house, good church, awesome friends. I cooked, cleaned, mothered, pretty much was a full on grown up. But boy was I wrong. On the surface I had it all, but internally I was no where near I needed to be.

Then a series of events started happening to me that have shaped me into who I am today and I look forward to continuing to grow and being shaped more in the future.
The first event was my struggle with infertility. The emotional roller coaster of highs and lows, having such hope mid month and being crushed at the end of the month when you realized you still weren't pregnant. I'm not going to lie, it was hard! Especially hard when all the people around you were getting pregnant and you just couldn't. Thoughts of why me? This isn't fair. It was a rough year and a half journey before I actually got pregnant with Blakley. In spite of how hard it was, I would go through that year and a half 1 million times over because the growth that happened in me internally was worth every second!

I gained a new perspective on life. I learned how to find happiness in every situation good or bad. I learned to let go of things that are really not that important in the grand scheme of life. I learned to appreciate every second of every day I have on this Earth with the people I am surrounded by. And most importantly I learned to let Go and let God control my life. Trusting him in all I do truly is the most freeing feeling and allows me to find happiness in all circumstances.

The second thing that happened to me was I read a book last summer called, "What's it like to be married to me?" by Linda Dillow. Talk about a game changer for my marriage! I thought we had a great relationship to begin with, but after reading this book, boy was I wrong. I was so self-centered and concerned with keeping the score even between us that I only served him to get something in return. That is until I read this book and it finally all clicked with me. It's not about me. Ever. And everything that I do should be out of love for my husband with ZERO expectations of getting something in return. Was it easy? Definitely not, but did I make a conscious effort to serve him without getting anything back? I did and miraculously a few months later, he followed suit and wanted to serve me because he felt so loved! Mind blown. LOL  Do unto your husband as if you are doing it for the Lord. This book is on my list of books to read annually just to stay fresh and keep on top of my game. I highly suggest every woman read this book too! I'm a much more mature loving wife these days :)

The last thing that has helped me grow and mature was to watch a dear friend of mine go through the most difficult time in her life of losing her babies after a long and grueling 2 month fight. I still to this day think about it and cry because I can't imagine the pain she must feel everyday. It was so taxing physically as well as mentally, that nothing is ever going fully take away that pain. But lucky for us, we have God on our side. Who can provide peace to anyone at anytime. And if he's not ready to provide that peace yet, then there is some lesson that he is trying to teach you in the midst of the hurting. I truly believe that out of every tragedy something good comes from it. I have yet to see the end result in this situation, but I know 10 years from now we will look back and say it was all worth it!

I mean does it matter who hung out with who last night on Facebook, or did you see what so and so was wearing on Instagram. Does it matter if my kid is a stellar athlete, or is one of the smartest kids in the class. Does it matter what car you drive or brand clothes you wear? No, nothing matters if you don't have God on your side and he is your #1 priority. Could I have survived the infertility struggles with out him? No. Could I have sacrificed my pride and selfishness to put my husbands needs first without God helping me? No. Could I have the right words to comfort my friend during this horrible time? No And that my friends is why I feel like I have matured so much over these past 3 years. All these events brought me to 1 conclusion of: put God first and he will take care of everything.

Since figuring this out, I have already seen some awesome things happen in my life and around me. I have had opportunities to witness to people I never thought I could. I have been given the perfect words at the perfect time to help comfort someone. I have helped bring a new perspective to a situation so that things don't seem that bad. Was it me talking? No it is 100% God giving me the words and opportunities to live out his word. Thank you Lord for giving me these events over the past few years because they have truly shaped me into who I am today and I look forward to how you will continue to mold me in the future.

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