As far as the emotion goes, I wrote this blog post last Friday about how the symptoms had finally kicked in and then Saturday morning I wake up perfectly fine. Like zero nausea, not tired and needing naps, my boobs were still a little sore, but it was hard to tell if it was more or less. I told Dave this is not good. I have traveled this road twice now and both times, I have woken up one random day and felt good and things turned out bad at the next ultrasound. We continued on with our day, but the thought was in the back of my mind. That night I had the most vivid dream of an ultrasound happening and their being no heartbeat, and all my friends and family were cycling through the room to tell me sorry and console me. So when I woke I said a prayer and asked God to give me a sign. Well I read daily from my YouVersion Bible app and everyday they post a verse of the day. So I said please let the verse be an indicator of what was happening with me. Well here was the verse of the day.
He bears our burdens. UGHH Here comes another burden; I just knew things were bad. I had accepted it and chose to still enjoy my weekend despite losing the baby. It was obviously not the right time and God would give us a baby at the right time. So I was scheduled for an ultrasound on Tuesday to see how the blood was doing. I told Dave be prepared we would probably be doing another D&C on Thursday. I was going to call Dr. Garcia's office and see when he could fit me in. So when he inserted the wand and said theres a good heartbeat I about died. I said are you positive?!? He pointed and I couldn't believe it. I said how is it measuring. Great right at 16 mm which means it grew 9 mm in 8 days and it usually grows 1 mm a day. He said the blood measured the same so that was a good thing that it wasn't an active bleed. I said are you 100% sure you saw a heartbeat bc I don't see anything on the monitor. He said that is because I have it frozen Jamie to print a picture hahah. He took it off frozen and showed it to me it again. So much to my surprise we still have a baby growing in there. I don't want to get my hopes up because I have always had great 8 week ultrasounds so the scariest time is ahead of us, but it at least means there is still a possibility for a child at the end of this.
So please keep the prayers coming we have 2 weeks to get over my miscarriage hump. He wants me to keep coming in weekly to check on the blood and I am 100% ok with it. I like knowing weekly if the baby is still alive. He is out of town next week so I will see his partner Dr. Freeman, but honestly I could do the ultrasound myself at this point. So hopefully all will look good then and then the scary week will happen. It is when the baby usually switches to relying on the placenta for blood and nutrition instead of the progesterone hormone. I feel like everytime there is a blood clot and thats why the baby dies. Of course this is just my speculation. So if I can have 2 more good ultrasounds I may start to feel a little bit better! I told my friend Krista, I honestly won't feel good till this baby is born, LOL knowing all we know that can happen with babies and pregnancies from first hand experience with my friends. But if I hit the second trimester I know we are headed in the right direction and I will breathe some serious sighs of relief. Thank you all for your continued prayers. We need them desperately now for the next few weeks and some peace when I go into the doctor these next 2 (hopefully) times. I hope you all have a great start to your summer! D is in full force on the swim team and has her first meet tom so that has been keeping us busy 3-4 days a week! Talk to you all soon! XOXO
By the way: I am still on the progesterone shots in the rear and crinone twice a day, heparin twice a day, and prenatals and b12 folate. The shots make me sore but it isn't so bad that I can't walk so that is good! Just wanted to document my meds for future references. Hopefully we won't ever need to know again. :)
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