2nd & 3rd blood draw results

Yes you read that title correctly. I have had a 2nd and 3rd blood draw in the past 2 days. No news means bad news and that is where we are right now. Yesterday I had my 2nd blood draw and the number came back at 320. I needed to be at 434 so it didn't even get half way there from 217. That is not good news. The nurse told me maybe it is just slow moving and lets test again on Monday. I told her by no means was I able to wait 4 more days to see what was happening so could we see if it made it to the 434 by today. Doubling in 48 hours is ideal but sometimes it can take up to 72 hours so I wanted to see if we got to that today. Today I got to 419. So it went up 100 points in 1 day vs. 100 points in 2 days like the previous days. So that gives me a glimmer of hope, but definitely not the situation I would like to be in. Patty the nurse today said lets just not worry about the numbers anymore and see what shows up on an ultrasound next week. I will only be 5 weeks next week so we for sure would not see a baby, just a gestational sack to make sure things are where they belong. I think the slow rising numbers is an indicator of ectopic pregnancies and they want to check on that.

So the waiting continues. I would like to be completely honest and tell anyone going through this how horrific the emotional side of this is. The shots no biggie. The mind games going on in my head are enough to drive a person insane. The only way I can explain the feeling of nausea/desperation I feel in my stomach would be similar to finding your boyfriend/spouse cheating on you. I have literally felt like throwing up all day long from the nerves. It is horrible! I have been having lots of cramping so who knows what is really going on down there. Time will tell and in the mean time I would 100% appreciate your prayers for a healthy baby but also for some peace and sanity while I wait.

Today I was desperately searching for worship songs to calm me down and looked up a song called I have this hope by Tenth Avenue North on youtube. After listening to it, the one below started to automatically play. It was Even if by MercyMe. I had never heard the song so I decided to listen. God 100%  sent it to me. He told me to relax and regardless I would be fine. I love how he gave me some sort of sign that he was with me in my desperation. I of course cried hysterically while listening. So brace yourself when you listen to it. It will be my new anthem for the next week while I wait and even through this entire journey no matter how long it lasts. It even included one of my favorites "It is well" at the end. So sorry I kept you all waiting, but I needed a day to digest and withdraw to mourn and throw my temper tantrum. I am better today. Praying for peace and joy in the midst of this wild ride we are one. Talk to you all soon XOXO

Here is the link to the song. Give it a listen!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6fA35Ved-Y