(IN)FERTILITY FRIDAY - It's go time!

Well friends, the time has finally come! Tomorrow is transfer day! I had a blood test today and my progesterone level was a 27 which is very good so I am scheduled to transfer my one and only embryo tomorrow at 9. To be completely honest, I have mixed emotions about it. I am excited to do it because what if things go well and we have a baby in 9 months. But on the other hand, what if it doesn't work and I am back to square one. What would do? Would I just call it quits or try again one more time?! I don't know. So I almost was finding comfort in that frozen embryo, that I didn't have to think about those things because I still had a chance for a baby. The positive side of me says don't worry about those things, because this is going to work and none of that will be an issue. I also am a realist and know the odds aren't in my favor. Maybe I'm on this emotional rollercoaster again because God still has some work to do in me. I am learning to give up control and trust him, but I am no where great at it yet and may need some more work on it. (See above how much I like to plan things out, I'm trying to decide if I will do it again or not if this doesn't work. Stop it Jamie!) LOL All I know is God is in control and if it is the right time he will bless us with a baby. If it not, then I need to trust in his good and perfect plan.

I was talking to a friend the other day who knows someone going through IVF and is not a Christian. They have had 2 failed transfers and the doctors are at a loss on why and she can't understand why either. To me it seems plain as day...God's trying to get her attention or break her down to desperation so she will seek him. Ultimately it is all in his hands and to not have hope in his plans would be miserable going through this. I hope all people who don't know Jesus that read this blog know that that is how I keep continuing on through all this. I surely would have given up and become depressed with the miscarriages had I had nothing else to live for. But thankfully I do so it makes the highs and the lows on this infertility journey bearable and worthwhile! Yes I want another baby, but is that my purpose on this Earth. No! My purpose is to live for Jesus in all I do shining light a light for him and bringing the news of him to all ends of the Earth. I would say this journey has provided a great platform for God's purpose to be achieved. So ultimately it has all been worth it!!

I started an online bible study on Hosea 2 weeks ago because the way our pastor presented the story of Hosea and Gomer fascinated me! I had to learn more. So as I read through the book of Hosea, I saw Hosea and God's unconditional love, but it was hard to break it down. This study has been amazing doing that for me. On Wednesday I read Hosea 2:6. It just sounded like a mad God, but when you read into it deeply it's not a mad God. It is a loving God who puts thorn bushes in your way to slow you down to seek him and protect you. It's crazy to think of a love like that. Would I push my kid down to get them out of the road so they weren't hit by a car. Of course. I love them and yes they may get hurt a little but to save their life it is totally worth it. Mind blown! Anyways just had to share what a God wink that was and how he continues to provide clarity and show his love for me on this journey.

I'll be going in tomorrow at 9 am so I would love all the prayers I can get for success as well as peace for me tomorrow and over the next 2 weeks. I will be laying around tomorrow resting so maybe I will come do another post on how everything went. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart! I'm so glad I have such amazing family and friends to walk this journey with me. XOXO