(IN)FERTILITY FRIDAY - Last one for who knows how long

Sorry I didn't write a post yesterday, after doing my blood test. I didn't need the doctor to confirm that I wasn't pregnant. The 5 pregnancy tests over the past 5 days did that for me. And to be honest by yesterday, I was so already past waiting for the official test that I forgot to do a blog update! So sadly no I am not pregnant. The embryos did not take to my uterus or died off or who knows what. Statistically speaking it should have worked. I have done 3 transfers and all 3 transfers had worked up until now. But clearly God is not in the business of statistics and likes to defy them at any chance he can get. So here is how my week went down.

I laid around for the 2 days after my transfer like always and then got back to life as usual. Didn't really think about it too much until I started packing for my trip to Atlanta for the FSU game. Would I be drinking or not?!? So by Thursday morning I just had to take a test to see. It said no. I didn't lose too much hope because it was still one day earlier than I have tested in the past and every time by day 8 it said positive and it was only day 7. So the next morning I took another and let me just add my anxiety was through the roof waiting those 3 minutes. This one was the one that counts. If it's a not pregnant than it didn't work. Sure enough I walk in there to read it and damn it didn't work. :( It was a very mixed emotions moment. I was of course very upset that I wasn't going to be having another baby for God only knows how long now, but I also was a little appreciative that my negative result was sooner than later. My prayer was of course for a child, but if God wasn't going to bless us with a baby in the end, let it be right away a no instead of going through another 10-12 weeks of carrying a baby before taking it away. And thats what he did. He let me know ASAP so I could move on with life. So off we flew to Atlanta that afternoon. We hung out with my old college roommate and friends, went to dinner, and had a few drinks. The next morning I took one more pregnancy test just hoping maybe it was wrong before I drank more for the FSU game and once again it said not pregnant so I knew that was  the final answer. We had a great day tailgating and going to our horrible game we lost LOL and then flew out of Atlanta for home on Sunday morning. It was a nice getaway to take my mind off of everything. I knew I still had to do the blood test, which to be honest I was dreading because I didn't want to small talk or hear maybe the test is wrong when I knew it wasn't. But I brought Blakely with me and she distracted me enough to get in and out. Of course she called later and said it was negative and I said I know and who knows where I will go from here, I'll call Dr. Brown when I am ready again.

So that is where we stand. Out of eggs and with no plan. And I am ok with that for now. I of course am such a planner/control freak that I'm sure I will want something down on a calendar to look forward to, but for now I am going to try to do nothing and see what God wants me to do. I would really appreciate it if he audibly told me to give up, keep trying, adopt a kid... something. I know in 10 years I will look back and the way this all unfolds is going to be amazing, but it is hard in the midst when I am not sure what to do. So for now I will just pray. I start BSF again next week and that always helps me stay in the Bible so hopefully being more in touch with God I will have some answers soon. I am thinking I'll take a year off (secretly pray for a miracle baby) and then go from there if nothing happens. Thanks for all the prayers, kind words, and support. But for now (IN)FERTILITY FRIDAY is put on hold! XOXO

I will still blog about fun trips and family stuff though if you want to keep following!