(IN)FERTILITY FRIDAY - THE CLOSE OF ANOTHER CHAPTER

I bet you are looking at this post saying, what is this a one year timehop blog, or did I go to the wrong date? I feel like I've seen these pics before and seen this blog title before. Well friends, I am sorry to say this isn't the same post as I did in September, but it the same outcome that occurred last September 15th. And to be honest it's nuts how similar the situation is this time as it was in September. So here's the story. 

I went to Dr. Garcia on Monday for my 12 week check up/ultrasound. My last ultrasound was with Dr. Brown and I was 9 weeks and 2 days and all looked well. My pregnancy symptoms were all present so I was feeling pretty good when I walked into Garcia's office. I told my Mom surely God isn't a comedian enough to put me through the exact same situation twice. Well sure enough I went in for my ultrasound, she put the wand on my stomach, and her face just dropped. I said again?? and she shook her head yes. She zoomed in and out moved around searching for a heartbeat, movement, anything. But there was nothing. The baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks and 6 days. Last time it stopped growing at 9 weeks and 2 days. I was still on all the medicines this time so that explanation for it being the cause was out. The only thing Dr. Garcia could say is they maybe had something chromosomally wrong with them or it was just a string of bad luck. Because this was my 2nd miscarriage he was going to do genetic testing on the tissue and I will do a full recurrent miscarriage blood panel to make sure something else isn't there, but the fact that I have 2 healthy children makes him think it's just bad luck. I hate to use the word luck and I'll explain why in a minute.

So this morning I went in for another D&C surgery. It went smoothly and am having some cramping afterwards but that is to be expected. Hopefully all side effects will be gone within a few days and onward we will continue to move.  Closing out the chapter of my 2nd attempt at a Frozen Embryo Transfer. Maybe the frozen ones just aren't in the cards for me. I do have 2 embryos left and anyone who knows me at all, knows I am not a quitter. So we will try again in a few months. I know God has something great planned for my future so we will keep praying and trusting in God's perfect plan and timing. 

 Clearly I am still on some pretty good anesthesia in this pic afterwards LOL!

This has been quite the journey since last July when I did my first FET, but it hasn't been all for nothing. Do I have a baby to show you to say it was worth it? No. But what I do have is a deeper faith in God and more peace than I have ever experienced in my life. To be honest, It just blows my mind when I think about people who experience tragedy and don't know God. Who or what do you have to lean on? People can try to comfort you and fill in those gaps in your heart, but they will never succeed. And nothing against people, but we are just sinful humans. No matter how hard we try we will fail so to depend on humans to provide me with peace and comfort and love is just not possible. The only person who can do that is Jesus. The feeling of comfort I felt when she said there was no heartbeat again was unexplainable. It was as if God was saying, "A for effort Jamie, but it still wasn't the right time. I have bigger and better things planned for you and this was not it. So just trust me, I promise it will be worth it!" Well alright God! That is what I am going to do. I guess it wasn't just bad luck. This was part of your plan and you knew this would occur on the day that I was born. Nothing happens by luck or chance for you and we need to keep that in the forefront of our mind. Our days are planned and every plan has a purpose.

 I mean how much suffering did Jesus have to go through for us. I think I can handle a few miscarriages if he can use them to grow his kingdom and to help grow me. So as people approach me with their condolences, I hope they know I appreciate their kind words, but am also grateful for these events. For without them my faith wouldn't be where it is today. So yes I know you are sorry for me, but don't be. You should almost be envious of me that I got to experience God's abounding love in the midst of trials and grow so much more because of it. This lady right here, will persevere mark my words on that!  I hope you all have a great night! XOXO