(IN)FERTILITY FRIDAY - THE CLOSE OF ANOTHER CHAPTER

I bet you are looking at this post saying, what is this a one year timehop blog, or did I go to the wrong date? I feel like I've seen these pics before and seen this blog title before. Well friends, I am sorry to say this isn't the same post as I did in September, but it the same outcome that occurred last September 15th. And to be honest it's nuts how similar the situation is this time as it was in September. So here's the story. 

I went to Dr. Garcia on Monday for my 12 week check up/ultrasound. My last ultrasound was with Dr. Brown and I was 9 weeks and 2 days and all looked well. My pregnancy symptoms were all present so I was feeling pretty good when I walked into Garcia's office. I told my Mom surely God isn't a comedian enough to put me through the exact same situation twice. Well sure enough I went in for my ultrasound, she put the wand on my stomach, and her face just dropped. I said again?? and she shook her head yes. She zoomed in and out moved around searching for a heartbeat, movement, anything. But there was nothing. The baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks and 6 days. Last time it stopped growing at 9 weeks and 2 days. I was still on all the medicines this time so that explanation for it being the cause was out. The only thing Dr. Garcia could say is they maybe had something chromosomally wrong with them or it was just a string of bad luck. Because this was my 2nd miscarriage he was going to do genetic testing on the tissue and I will do a full recurrent miscarriage blood panel to make sure something else isn't there, but the fact that I have 2 healthy children makes him think it's just bad luck. I hate to use the word luck and I'll explain why in a minute.

So this morning I went in for another D&C surgery. It went smoothly and am having some cramping afterwards but that is to be expected. Hopefully all side effects will be gone within a few days and onward we will continue to move.  Closing out the chapter of my 2nd attempt at a Frozen Embryo Transfer. Maybe the frozen ones just aren't in the cards for me. I do have 2 embryos left and anyone who knows me at all, knows I am not a quitter. So we will try again in a few months. I know God has something great planned for my future so we will keep praying and trusting in God's perfect plan and timing. 

 Clearly I am still on some pretty good anesthesia in this pic afterwards LOL!

This has been quite the journey since last July when I did my first FET, but it hasn't been all for nothing. Do I have a baby to show you to say it was worth it? No. But what I do have is a deeper faith in God and more peace than I have ever experienced in my life. To be honest, It just blows my mind when I think about people who experience tragedy and don't know God. Who or what do you have to lean on? People can try to comfort you and fill in those gaps in your heart, but they will never succeed. And nothing against people, but we are just sinful humans. No matter how hard we try we will fail so to depend on humans to provide me with peace and comfort and love is just not possible. The only person who can do that is Jesus. The feeling of comfort I felt when she said there was no heartbeat again was unexplainable. It was as if God was saying, "A for effort Jamie, but it still wasn't the right time. I have bigger and better things planned for you and this was not it. So just trust me, I promise it will be worth it!" Well alright God! That is what I am going to do. I guess it wasn't just bad luck. This was part of your plan and you knew this would occur on the day that I was born. Nothing happens by luck or chance for you and we need to keep that in the forefront of our mind. Our days are planned and every plan has a purpose.

 I mean how much suffering did Jesus have to go through for us. I think I can handle a few miscarriages if he can use them to grow his kingdom and to help grow me. So as people approach me with their condolences, I hope they know I appreciate their kind words, but am also grateful for these events. For without them my faith wouldn't be where it is today. So yes I know you are sorry for me, but don't be. You should almost be envious of me that I got to experience God's abounding love in the midst of trials and grow so much more because of it. This lady right here, will persevere mark my words on that!  I hope you all have a great night! XOXO

(In)fertility friday

Hey guys! Sorry I forgot to do my blog last night. I was up late packing for our trip and then of course nothing was accomplished this morning. We headed to Daytona for a little beach getaway just the 4 of us. It's nice to just relax and lay by the pool and do nothing. Really Blakely makes us swim though most the day.
I'm definitely at that awkward stage that people are probably wondering if I'm pregnant or just have a nice beer gut. Lol Oh well! I don't know anyone down here so who cares. Other than the belly things are going well, boobs are still sore and still needing to eat lots! I see Dr. Garcia on Monday and if all looks well I will stop my crinone and heparin shots. I'll be back after my appointment to update you all. I hope you all have a nice relaxing weekend like we are!

(IN)FERTILITY FRIDAY

Here comes big momma! LOL I am officially large and in charge and there is not much hiding of this belly now. I am in my last 2 pairs of shorts and can no longer fit in any of my pants. I will probably need to break out the maternity box in the next week or so. Unfortunately for me, my big belly was in the winter with the other two so I don't have much to get by for the summer months. I may need to make a shopping trip soon as well. 

All joking aside, I will gladly take the growing belly. It means something is happening in there and I am praying it continues to! I am 11 weeks on Saturday so we are passing the miscarriage week as we speak. I am still tired and nauseous so that is a good thing! :) I am still taking my crinone and heparin shots and will be doing so for a few more weeks. I think I will be most scared to stop those. I really feel like stopping the progesterone messed things up last time so I am going to be overly cautious and take it longer than needed. 

As far as nausea goes, it's not too bad as long as I am eating, but the problem is no food appeals to me! String cheese and protein shakes are all I like. I am not even loving pasta that much these days. Cold stuff is where its at. Maybe bc I feel like I get so hot easily I like cold food. I am positive our poor neighbors have seen my panties.  I am so hot all the time, all I wear is a t-shirt around the house. Whoops. We actually had neighbors move in this week so guess I better tighten things up.  LOL

I am still sleepy and taking naps during the day and pretty worthless when it comes to cleaning the house or cooking dinner. Luckily Dave has been home early this week so we have had 2 home cooked meals instead of our usual cereal for dinner or pizza rolls bc mom is too tired to do anything else haha. What's a few weeks of no nutrition in the grand scheme of life? I'll feel better soon and we will be back to normal in no time. 

My next Dr appointment is Monday the 22nd and it's with Dr. Garcia the OB. Its a 3 hour long visit with an ultrasound, check up with the dr, go over your insurance... So hopefully all will go well at that and the fact that I am pregnant will become public knowledge. Well atleast to those who don't follow my blog. :) Keep up the prayers guys for a healthy baby. They are working! And Happy Mother's Day to all you Moms out there. Sorry but mine our the best! :) 

Delainey's 5th Birthday Party

Last Saturday we celebrated Delainey turning 5 with an Elena of Avalor birthday pool party. The weather was a little chilly, but the kids didn't seem to mind too much. We had a piñata and Tijuana Flats tacos and an Elena doll cake. Delainey had a great time with all her friends and family!

 D got some money for her birthday and she chose an at home pedicure kit. Where did my baby go?! :)

(IN)FERTILITY FRIDAY

Do I dare say it? Should I be honest and say I am feeling pretty good about this pregnancy at this point. If I do recall I said the same thing last time after my 9 1/2 week appointment  and things went bad the next week. So forgive me for being cautious even though so far things are looking good. This week I had a 2nd ultrasound with Dr. Brown. He is such a gem. He knew with the miscarriage I wanted a little extra reassurance and had zero problem with me coming in for another ultrasound. He actually said the miscarriage rate is decreased when patients are given extra reassurances through ultrasounds. Totally makes sense so you aren't as stressed. So we are 2 down and 1 more to go. Not with him though. His insurance won't cover you after 10 weeks so I am moving back to Dr. Garcia again. The wanted to get me in next week, but I conveniently pushed it a few weeks later so I would be 12 weeks for my next ultrasound. If all looks good at that one, I will feel confident we will have a baby in December!

I feel good about this though because there are some noticeable differences in this one and last one. Last time my numbers didn't double and these almost tripled. Last time my 9 week ultrasound the baby was measuring behind, this one is on track. I had zero soreness in my boobs and this time they are tender and finally starting to get bigger. Both times I have had nausea which isn't very fun, but a good sign. So there are some differences that are giving me confidence.

Of course it is all in God's hands how it will turn out so worrying one way or the other won't change his plans. So we will continue to pray for peace and a healthy baby and let time tell. :) I am continuing on my crinone and heparin till 12 weeks and then baby aspirin and prenatal will be all there is to do! Next week I will do a bump picture because Big Momma is getting large! :) At night my belly looks huge. Mainly because I ate half the refrigerator that day LOL. Anyways, Here are some pics from the ultrasound this week. We celebrating D's 5th birthday Saturday with a party so I'll be back with lots of pictures. I hope you all have a great weekend!

Happy 5th Birthday Delainey!

I can't believe my first born is 5 years old! I was so emotional celebrating her birthday! I attribute most of it to pregnancy hormones LOL but 5 is such a big year. She is a grown kid now. She is off to kindergarten 5 days a week where my time spent with her is limited. So heartbreaking. I hated when kids missed school as a teacher, but I totally get it now. I am definitely going to need some days during the week every now and then to do trips or just have a mommy daughter day. :)

We celebrated with presents in the morning, cupcakes at school, swimming with our cousins, and hibachi for dinner. It also happened to be the Awana Cubbies Ceremony and the Mother's Day Tea so I was with her most of the day which was fun!

We will be doing a big Elena Pool Party on Saturday to finish off birthday week! We love you so much sweet Delainey Marie!